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Wednesday, April 05, 2006 |
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WARNING: Do not read this!!
This is my practice blog where I can experiment with HTML and what not without fearing that I might really screw it up. So if anyone is reading this, you can stop now because there's really nothing to read. I'm serious! You won't find anything interesting here! You won't read about my insightful (and some times controversial) thoughts on current events nor read about my sex life (or lack thereof) ... so don't waste your time by reading any further. Honestly, if you keep reading this, you're just wasting your time. See! You just wasted another few seconds reading the last two sentences and now you're doing it again by reading this one! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you still reading this?! Apparently you think you have a lot of time to waste, but you don't! Do you realize you have a finite number of seconds in your life ... that God only granted you so much time for this life ... and you're choosing to waste them by reading this nonsensical weblog entry? Oh ... you do realize that? Well then, that's a different story. I guess if you choose to waste your own time, who am I to try to convince you otherwise? Besides, if you weren't reading this, you'd just be wasting it doing something else like watching TV, listening to music, reading a book, spending time with loved ones and getting to know them better, volunteering as a "Big Brother" or a "Big Sister," volunteering to help rebuild New Orleans, having an adventure, living life to the fullest, and/or even having a sex life. By the way, if you're a woman that's 18 or older (not over 100 though ... don't want to kill anyone) and you think I'd find you attractive and you need help with that last one, just let me know and maybe I can help you out. Then maybe you'd give me something good to write about that's not so much a waste of everyone's time. What do I find attractive in a woman? I'm glad you asked. Well, I like a woman that's cute and/or sexy. I'm really attracted to a woman that's intelligent, kind of dorky, and goofy. One that has a wicked sense of humor and finds this blog entry either funny and/or immature. I definitely like a woman that likes to cuddle, that really likes to be physically close and hold hands and kiss a lot. Not so much just because I like kissing (and I do ... A LOT!!!), but also because I heard it's good for your oral hygiene. Really! Something to do with kissing creating more saliva and that being good for your teeth. So yeah, instead of just brushing at least twice a day and flossing ... it'd be awesome to also add a couple heavy make-out sessions a day to my oral hygiene routine. Anyway, I digress. Let me see, what else do I find attractive in a woman? Oh yeah ... confidence. Who doesn't like that quality? I also find a woman with morals and values highly desirable ... unless of course I'm just looking for wild sex, in which case any disease-free, physically attractive, and immoral Harpy or Succubus will do. I also find women who are a little gothic or have some gothic fashion attractive. I don't know why, but I have to admit there's a part of me that really finds their apathetic attitude arousing. I know, that sounds in direct contrast to the intelligent, dorky, goofy woman of my dreams ... but there's no reason she can't have a darker side too. What else do I like? A woman with a great and ecclectic taste in movies and music. You know what would really be great? A woman who likes cartoons as much as me!! That'd be awesome! So would a woman that really likes "the Simpsons," "Family Guy," "South Park," "The Fairly OddParents," "Malcom in the Middle," "S.C.R.U.B.S," "Northern Exposure," "Monty Python & the Holy Grail," and anything Mel Brooks. I think the best two features on a woman are her eyes and smile ... unless I'm horny ... then it's her ass and tummy. Seriously though, there's something about the eyes and smile that can communicate volumes. I love when women get that playful look and smile. That drives me crazy!!! The way they look mischievously out of their eyes and have that devious, playful smile ... I don't know if there's a bigger turn on. So yeah, I'm also highly attracted to a playful and imaginative woman too. You know, there's just so much to be attracted to when it comes to women ... their CURVES (espescially the one in their lower back), their inner strength, their lips, their nurturing nature, their ucipital mapilary, their amazing ability to love, their ass ... you get the picture. Anyway, why are you still reading this? Are you really that bored? Or do you really need that much help in having a sex life? In either case, why don't you waste more of your time (can't you hear it just ticking away) by leaving a comment. If you're bored, you can whine and complain about what a waste of time this was or about anything else going on in your apparently boring and pathetic life. If you're really bored and unimaginative, you could just ask me what you should do. If, on the other hand, you need help having a sex life ... and you think you meet my requirements ... feel free to leave me your contact info, pictures (or links to), and any other pertinent information. Since I don't intend this weblog to be anything more than for experimenting and practicing, I can't promise I'll reply to any left comments. If I do, I think it's only fair to warn you in advance that they'd only be more a waste of your time. Plus, any advice or suggestions I may give to any bored persons are not guaranteed to cause or create pleasure and/or excitement and should be considered and applied cautiously. Any replies from me should be taken with a grain of salt and any results to following any advice I give may vary. Actually, results will most likely vary. A few people might be happy with their results, but most will most likely not be. Seriously though, don't follow any of my advice!!! What should I have for breakfast? Pancakes, eggs, some turkey sausage, and a nice tall glass of "Not From Concentrate" orange juice sounds really good. Mmm. I still can't believe you're reading this! Didn't I warn you not to read this? What are you, stupid? Do you always ignore warnings? Honestly, how have you managed to live this long? It must be luck! Anyway, I don't have any more time to waste wasting your time. I got to go start my day.
Posted by: Tester
Posted at: 10:13 AM
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| MARVEL, SPIDER-MAN, DOCTOR OCTOPUS and all MARVEL character names and distinctive likenesses thereof: TM & © 2003 Marvel Characters, Inc. All Rights Reserved. MARVEL and SPIDER-MAN: Trademarks registered in the USA and certain other countries. © 2003 Sony Pictures Digital Inc. All rights reserved. |
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